Lately

I am feeling better about my contribution to FLIPS. I was pretty down on the whole thing, particularly my vocals, but it seems to be getting slowly better...though I'm not putting in nearly the effort that I ought to be with practicing. It just isn't as much fun as the Pixies.

Blondie has caused physical problems with my right hand because I'm trying to push to hard and fast too soon. My technique is for crap. I basically haven't been practicing at all while I try to calm down both my carpal tunnel/tendonitis and also my depression at realizing that I am going to have to take a few of the songs down a notch. I'm hurting myself and not having any fun...so what the fuck. Make them easier to play by a hair. It makes me sad, cause this whole project was about me learning to play these songs right and do things that I couldn't do before. But it just isn't worth all the injury and self-hatred and frustration. I give up. I'm doing it the easy way.

TD has also been on my poop list. It isn't that much fun anymore either. It is a strained scene on many levels...which I knew going in...but now that I know the songs as well as I'm gonna know them it feels a little boring. So I don't practice and then the songs go to hell and then they aren't fun to play cause I suck at them.

SSW isn't playing out at all and hardly practicing and I'm actually relieved for both. Another case of knowing the tunes...getting bored...not practicing...starting to suck at the tunes...and growing to hate it.

So...

In summary...most of the stuff that I am doing isn't fun anymore.

And maybe that's why I haven't been around the blog much lately. Of course, I'm also trying to quit drinking and that makes everything feel different too.

But you know what is still fun? Pixies. Just really the best thing ever. We haven't been playing much because of all the other stuff going on...but I really hope that we get back to it after Halloween. I feel like I do a good job and that the band sounds good and that people enjoy it and that even if I know the songs that I still like playing them. It feels easy and fun but still like I'm accomplishing something.

For no good reason at all...right in the middle of playing in 5 bands...I've started trying to learn to play Breeders tunes with an eye towards making an all-me ep like I used to make in the old days. Even dusted off the multitracker and got it working. Just a pointless exercise with so much else to do. But it is fun. And I miss that.

Not sure what post-Halloween holds...feels like a turning point though. I need to power through and not make any rash decisions in the interium. There's a lot of change happening in my brain of late and probably best to just hold the line and try to be gentle with myself.