And Yet MORE Missed Gigs...and So Much More

Fuck I have fallen all the way down on this blog. I know no one reads it, but it was my way to track my music shit and not I have failed.

Well, let's see.

1. The SVFD show on 11/5/2016 was our last. We broke up shortly after.
2. FW stopped rehearsing. We haven't officially broken up, but it has been almost a year since we got together.
3. DH (Breeders Trib) managed one rehearsal after our 2nd show. In theory we are still together, but inactive.
4. TD broke up after much drama, probably several years after it should have. JP is still harassing RS about it.
5. CJ is still together and rehearsing weekly. We just booked our first show since I think 4/4/2015
6. COL chugs along steadily, rehearses most weeks, released an album and two singles ("Oars in Hands" cover of Barristacide for Local Love Fest and "Butt Stuff" for cd presale backers) and has gigs in spurts for some reason.
7. RS, CT, Educational Davis and I formed a new band (tentatively named TN). We play RS's original songs. We've got about half a set so far.

12/2/2016: FW at, what the hell was that place called, Wine Down? (since closed)
2/4/2017: DH (Breeders Trib) at Crystal Corner Bar
2/19/2017: COL record Oars in Hands for Local Love Fest
2/25/2017: COL with Mono in Stereo
4/2/2017: TD at HNS
4/8/2017: COL with Mono in Stereo and High School Pizza in Rockford
5/5-7/2017: COL record our album Give to Get Got and the single Butt Stuff at Paradyme
5/12/2017: TD at Wisco (Justin had a drunken melt down)
6/10/2017: TD at Art In (our last show)
6/17/2017: COL at Mr Roberts
7/6/2017: COL at Frequency
10/21/2017: COL cd release at Frequency
12/7/2017: COL at HNS

TD cd release Mickey's, 11/14/2015

We played with German Art Students and The Moguls (who were lovely, but for future reference, quite loud).

We played well. There was a good, but not huge, crowd. People told us we sounded good...improved...and that they didn't miss the bass at all. TLT took some photos and video that may or may not have come out. It was a nice night. My car battery died, but under best possible circumstances.

Setlist:
Sent It
Bodies
Hold U
Better
KUKU
Dragonfly
Take Me Away
Fire Burns
Easy Life
Caw Caw
Gun
HSUL

UPDATE:
The entire show in video format.

TD Freq Feb 6

I totally forgot to post about this show. No one was there. The energy was low. Our bass player was being a bitch (he quit the band a few days later). I forget what the setlist was. I played terribly for no particular reason. Let us never talk of this thing again.

TD Recording at DNA 1/16-1/18/2015

TD went in and laid down drum, bass, and much of the guitars for an upcoming 8 song cd. We spent 16 hours in studio plus 3 hours of load in. I was SUPER nervous and probably played at about 75% of my ability, but it was good enough. The producer/engineer was awesome. After my parts were done it ended up being a great experience, but I'll be ok if I don't have to lay down drum tracks for a pro recording that impacts other people again for a long, long time.

TD 8/16/2014 Mickey's

with Red Tape Diaries and Perverse Engineer

Setlist to come

TD 11/8/2014 at Mickey's

Played with Indonesian Junk and Neens.

Setlist to come.

TD 12/17/2014 at HNS

w/ Neens and Gentle Brontasaurus. There was a white elephant gift exchange. Turn out was ok for a Wed night but nothing outrageous.

I played great (was well rehearsed). Mental note to bring shorts next time, sweaty pants kept restricting my kick leg. Johnny Sucrose borrowed my kit and said he liked the way the kit was tuned.

Setlist to come.

Three Gigs, 6/25 & 6/26

I played three gigs in two days.

TD, High Noon Saloon with Damsel Trash and Venus in Furs, 6/25/2014
The other bands killed it. John the sound guy was really nice to us. We brought in $53 on a Wednesday night. People danced. JP broke two strings and RS broke one string. I played okay but not great. We have played better shows, but we survived and dealt with disruptions better than normal, so I was proud of us. I may or may not have gotten my butt signed by Damsel Trash.

Setlist to come

CJ, at GRC, 6/26/2014 noon-time
We turned CJ into a KiD fronted group for the purposes of performing for little girls. It went really well. I didn't sing as well as I would have liked, but well enough. AVzang told me it was a good set, which meant a ton to me, and that she liked that we covered "Winterlong," which was nice because it means she was actually paying attention. A kid requested "Where is my mind?". The boys were swell about the whole thing. I la la luvs them.

Setlist:
Debaser
Build High
Bam Thwok (first time we ever performed in public)
I Bleed
Monkey Gone to Heaven
Gigantic
Where is My Mind (added by request)
Winterlong
Manta Ray (skipped cause we were short on time)
Into the White

SVFD, National Women's Music Festival, 6/26/2014
This was the first time I ever played a national festival and I was both excited to do so...and uneasy because all performers at the festival are supposed to be women and I don't identify as a woman. So playing the festival basically meant being in the closet about being trans and lying, which I felt shitty about.

The sound check and the change-over was a little chaotic and confusing, but things mostly worked out okay. Stage sound was really poor but I'm told the sound in the house was good. I played through a borrowed sweet SWR rig with a 4x10 cab...but it might as well been a piece of shit because I could barely hear it standing right in front of it. Anyway, it was DI'ed to the house.

All that said, we played pretty well and had fun on stage. I managed to make eye contact and have a fun exchange with most of my band mates. Our sign language interpreter was really nice and fun and BL goofed with her throughout the show.

I was mostly off book except for Lemuel. Though I glanced at my notes for "Sergio" and "I Will Survive" because I was tired. I think looking at the notes might have hurt more than it helped.

Setlist:
Rascal King
About a Girl
Came Out of A Lady
Sergio
Lost Again
Spiderwebs
Rudy
Lemuel
Red Rubber Ball
I Don't Love You Anymore
Dandelions
Thigh High
Mr. Smiley (cut for time)
Wallet (cut for time)

I will survive

TD, Wurst Times, 5/24, 2014

We played in the last slot at HNS for Wurst Times alt-brat fest. I was shocked to find it relatively well organized for a festival...backline available, drink/brat tickets organized, show ran on time, attendance decent. The kit I used was out of tune and the snare sucked (luckily brought my own) but was actually pretty decent (even had good cymbals). I played pretty well once I figured out not to play the horribly out of tune floor tom and use the 2nd rack instead. A couple of years ago I would not have even noticed this so I guess I'm getting "better".

A decent gig.

It is almost as if we practice every week and are playing gigs once a month now and have our shit together.

Setlist to follow.

TD, Mickey's, 3/22/2014

Played with Stereo Side Effects and Old Buffalo Money. Everyone shared my drum kit (there was a bit of unnecessary fretting about this, it seemed, but it all worked out okay in the end). We played well. I played well. Dropped a stick on "Hold You Under" that caused me to miss the transition to the "hard part" but oh well. Something weird happened during "At the Door" where AS skipped a beat and then that made JP skip a measure...but we all came back together...only to somehow diverge again. But we kept playing and all ended together. Not sure how we managed that. I felt good that I stayed with JP and that we didn't stop. We are well rehearsed and that feels really, really good.

Crowd was medium sized and enthusiastic. They danced. They asked for an encore and we played "Faghatland." We brought down $85 for our band...a decent haul at Mickey's. I had one of those "it's so cool that you're a girl drummer" gals come up to me after the show but I had to run and get something out of my car before she could drool too much on me.I think I handled it better than I have in the past (i.e. I was nicer to her).

Setlist:
1 is for Man
Some Delirium
Going Down the Drain
Hold U Under
Better N Better
Gotta Tell U
Bodies a Burnin
Whole Damn World
At the Door
KUKU
Gun in Your Grave
HSUL

TD, 3/6/2014, Mr R

We picked up a somewhat last minute show with Red Tape Diaries and Tween Wolf at Mr Roberts. DISTORTION THURSDAYS! Against my better judgement I asked to share drum kit and bass rig. Though it arrived 20 minutes later than I would have liked, the kit was decent and felt pretty good to play. The hi hat stand really had a nice feel. I've been thinking lately about lowering/flattening my setup and raising my throne. There was a little of that going on here. I had earplugs in and couldn't really hear the bass drum (which was really muffled heavily with a tight batter head that sort of hurt my knee) but the boys said they could hear it great. It did have a really focuses sound. AS played through a little 240W G-K combo that sounded a little pathetic but worked. There was the usual bs about mics/cables/stands and us trying to get out of there with all of our equipment. Since RS stopped having Fridays off and AS got a real job...we all seem to have a license to act like old-old men and go home super early. We're dicks.

We actually played pretty outstandingly. I had a sort of "I really don't give a shit about this gig" attitude going on, and as a result I was more relaxed than normal. I'm settling more and more into playing drums sober and am SO grateful for it.

A drunk guy who's birthday it was shook my hand and asked me if we'd play an Alan Jackson song. I said that we only played originals. He was very insistent that he didn't know anything about what kind of music we played, but could we please play an Alan Jackson song. I smiled and slid away as soon as possible. When we took the stage AS gave the dude a shout out, so I think he was talking to everyone.

Setlist:
1 is for man
KUKU
Hold U
Easy Life
Some Delirium
At the Door
Gotta Tell
Bodies
Sent It
Better
Gun
HSUL

TD as Faghat 2/27/2014 at Inferno

For some reason I'm not at all clear on we dressed up like Faghat for a TD show last night. I tried my best to make an ass out of myself with my costume, but no one came to the show. Still, I played great and wasn't nervous at all.

During sound check I asked for some stuff in the monitor (I had to be proactive because nothing was offered) and went though a long stretch of "how's that?" "I'm getting nothing." "how about now" "nope". I was starting to think I was dumb or crazy...but indeed the monitor wasn't working. I gotta say that getting some extra training in sound recently (both shadowing EB and also taking that class with D a year or so ago), while it may not have made me into a sound engineer, has certainly boosted my confidence on the topic. I feel like I know the right terms to use. And I feel better about saying "no, I'm pretty sure that isn't in the monitor, it's in the house." Anyway, they thought they had it fixed but I'm not sure that they did not...but in the end my show mix, even with just the house, was pretty decent. Another boomy bass drum show tho.

I even played Faghatland right (maybe for second time ever) and managed to get structure of Dragonfly correct even without my notes (forgot to pull them out in time).

Setlist:
HSUL
Better
KUKU
Dragonfly
Hold U Under
Gotta Tell
Bodies
Whole Damn World
Going Down the Drain
It's Alright
Gun
Faghatland

TD High Noon 1/30/2014

We opened for My God the Heat and Red Tape Diaries.  Attendance was sparse at first, but there was a decent crowd by the time we were finishing our set. It was a little snowy out.

I was having a bad day because Walter McBunn got a bad diagnosis. Left for the show stupid early around 7:30pm so I could set up slowly and in peace. There were like 3 people plus the bartender in the venue when I arrived and one of them managed to harass me. I still don't get what his deal was. He said hi to me like 3 times and I said hi back each time and then he got all bad attitude and said hi a 4th time and I was just like "I believe I've already said hi to you several times." I think he was a friend of AS and drunk.  It just sort of amazes me how, no matter how hard I try to keep to myself, annoying jerky people manage to make a scene. That said, both bartenders and the sound guy and the door guy were all super nice and I've kind of decided to go out of my way to be nice to those kinds of people and interact with them more so that in passing.

Anyway, I played for shit. I mean, not my worst show but by no means my best. I was distracted and I'm not well practiced (though I ran set 3 times the week before the show, so was well-prepared ENOUGH). Messed a bunch of stuff up. I wore ear plugs and the mix was a little weird...my bass drum was SO LOUD in the monitor even after he turned it down. It wasn't even that it was loud, it was just so boomy...I could feel the vibrations and it was so fuzzy and ill-defined. It kind of drowned out everything else. Like everything else was perfectly balanced and then there was this BOOM over the entire thing. It was weird. Anyway, threw me off a little bit. I also was thinking too much, almost freaked myself out a few times ("what if I loose the beat here? Ah! Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking..."). Missed some transitions (I need to count the verse in KUKU), rolls were shitty (though not the worst ever), was hitting the rim alot on snare. The boys said they didn't notice. It's good to know that my mistakes are my own, though, and can't be contributed to alcohol. I do miss the relaxing brain rest effect though. I wasn't nervous last night...just really, really AWARE. Too much so.

Had dinner, and then a slice of pizza with one of my free drink tix (gave the rest to the boys) around 8pm.

Setlist:
Some Delirium
Goin Down the Drain
Hold U Under
Gun in Your Grave
At the Door
Gotta Tell U
Jack
HSUL
KUKU
Vacuum Man

TD 11/22/2013 Mr Roberts

With Stereo Effects. Another tale of two gigs. Previous Thursday's gig was a disaster...this one nearly perfect. There's no explaining it.

Setlist:
Some Delirium
At the Door
Easy Life
Goin Down the Drain
1 is 4 man
Jake
It's alright
Movin' On
HSUL
Sent It
Bodies R Burnin
Better N Better
Gotta Tell U
Gun in your Grave
Hold You Under
Kiss U Kill U
Vacuum Man

TD, Mr Roberts, 11/14/2013

We played with Tween Wolf and The Type. I used TS's kit from The Type and it was great. Pedal (a DW5000) was set exactly the way I like and the heights on all of the cymbal stands were good and in the right place. I only used my own throne, cymbals, and snare. His kit was tuned higher than mine, which was a little weird sounding for the tom heavy tunes, but it was okay. He showed up super early to set it up too. One of the best kit sharing experiences that I've had.

Despite the kit being great...the evening was...well...

Sometimes shows are just weird.  The whole thing feels like a blur now. I wasn't getting any lead vocal in my monitor. What's weird is...we've played shows with WAY worse sound. I thought I could push past it...sing along in my head...but no, I kept messing up the transitions.  A contributing factor could have been that I also couldn't really hear the bass, which I probably key off of a bunch too. Later on someone told me that it wasn't me messing up the transitions, it was the lead singer. In retrospect, this makes a lot of sense. If he wasn't getting the transitions right and I couldn't hear him...than I couldn't adjust to his mistakes. Still, I guess it felt shocking to realize that without the lead vocal...I get a little lost in the song and can't tell where I am. Again...duh...if you go "boom-chick" 5,000 times in a row you are going to get lost without sign posts.  Anyway, I feel like I played well technically...but was unhappy with the performance because I was getting lost so much. I'm sure that, aside from us all grumbling about it audibly, the audience was none the wiser that there were problems happening. That's the way audiences are generally.

There was other stuff too. Interpersonal stuff related to the above. Lots of stuff. But happily no one seemed to find me at general fault...but more a victim of technical and ...stuff. There are just behavior patterns and ways of relating at play that get tiresome over the long haul. And even when things seem to be getting a little better as time passes...people really never change at a fundamental level, or if they do they change painfully slowly and sometimes, often, revert to past behavior. Bands = drama. It has always been so and I suppose it always will be so. 'Nuff said.

We have another show in a week...a 90 minute set...which is probably the longest show we've ever played. I have a feeling last night will be talked to death during load in. Hopefully it'll mean things go better...but it could very well mean things will go worse. Who knows?  I know that I will make damn sure that I can hear the vocals and the bass.

We brought down $50 per band.

Setlist:
HSUL
Better
At Door
Easy
Some D
Bodies
Jack
Hold U Under
Gun
Gotta Tell U

Followup, TD on Wisconscene

A while ago I posted about this gig. I never followed up with the goods tho.


Our segments in the above show are at 5:52 (Better N Better; Gun in Your Grave) and at 25:26 (Gotta Tell U)


This one is all us. It features Haven't Seen U Lately and an interview about crazy gig stories. It is kind of epic.

TD, 7/24/2013, Wisconscene

TD got a last minute invite to record an episode of Wisconscene, a local music show on local access cable and the internet.

We played pretty well and gave a surprisingly coherent interview.  The guys managed to say nice things about me and the host managed to get in a plug for GRC. The Frogs even got brought up (RIP).

A particularly impressive insight was had by AS...he basically said that, because people can select for EXACTLY what they want on the internet (only this genre...only this artist...only this SONG) that they are no longer willing to attend shows by bands that they've never heard of. They may be willing to go out, but they want to know exactly what time the band they are going to see is playing and they will arrive at that time and leave right after that band is done. People aren't willing to invest the time to learn about new music.  RS added that college kids just don't seem interested in live local music anymore.

I think all of this is true. I wonder if it was once LESS true, or if people just get caught up in nostalgia.  I am guilty of the "arrive at start of band I want to see, leave right after" thing...but I think this is because I'm old and tired.

Setlist:
Sent It
Better N Better
Gun in Your Grave
HSUL
Gotta Tell U

TD, Mr Roberts, 6/1/2013

We picked up a last minute show with damidol and Slow Form of Suicide.

We played well except I fucked up the start of Movin' On and had to restart us. We also played that song way too fast but that wasn't my fault. Ok turnout despite conflicting high profile shows. We made $50. I drank some but it was not a factor in my performance.

Setlist to come (unlikely)

TD, 5/4/2013

Second gig of the day. Benefit for WORT with Hewn and Cowboy something-or-other. I'd sobered up. Load in was 8:30pm for an 11:15pm start time.  We didn't take stage until at least 11:45pm. The whole thing was kind of a circle fuck with a serious misunderstanding about sharing gear which led to high anxiety and a seriously stripped down drum kit. I actually think I played really well. I think I was to the "fuck it I don't care" point and that actually made me play better. During "Jack" a smoke machine that I didn't know was behind me (nearly under my throne) went off. The effect was a loud swooshing noise, a flash of orange (as the smoke diffracted the "on" light) and smoke. SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I thought there was an electrical fire. Threw my gear bags across the stage so they wouldn't catch fire, jumped out of my chair and ran over to alert the sound guy. The rest of the band kept playing. Eventually I figured out what had happened and felt stupid. Oh well. It was interesting because I definitely had the thought process..."I could keep playing and see if this gets worse. No fuck that. This isn't worth getting hurt. I'm out of here."

I was in a bad mood all night. Spent most of the pre-show time in my car listening to Pema Chodron tapes and napping. I didn't want to hang out in the bar. Besides not wanting to talk to people and not wanting to be around the booze...they had these horrible disco lights on. Felt like I was gonna have a seizure.

I think that I was probably rude to several people, or they probably felt that way. I just really, really hate people coming up to me. I'm realizing that a major reason I drank (or a side effect) was that it made being around people easier. I remember I used to have a really hard time being out with the sweetie's friends or people from the Mill. Just super uncomfortable. That's how I feel at gigs. You can't really have a real conversation with anyone because it is loud and dark and most likely the other person is drunk...or they have some weird think going on about you being "the talent." I just don't like being the center of attention and I don't like small talk. I just feel claustrophobic...like I want everyone to get away from me.  It's like a nightmare. Combine that with the fact that people always want to talk to me right before or right after I play. This is when I'm moving my shit people. I can't talk to you right now. But honestly, I don't want to talk to them no matter when it is.

I'm sure people think I'm a real ass. I just don't know how else to be.

I just fine performances to be so disappointing. More and more I wonder why I do it and think about maybe not doing it anymore. There's all the moving of crap and parking and guarding your gear and worrying about your gear in the weather. Nothing ever goes the way you think it will or the way it was promised. You have to stay up really late and stand around. And the songs never sound as good as they do in practice. It's just a pile of disappointing irritation.

I'm trying to think of it as an exercise in accepting the impermanence of life and not getting attached to my own self-importance (how well I play doesn't matter). It's hard though. It's hard to go with the flow. It's hard to be in such an uncomfortable situation. But I probably need to stop trying to make myself comfortable all the time.

When I really think about it, I was happy with my playing. I had a few nice moments with AS as I re-orchestrated my parts on the weird kit. I had fun while I was playing. It was just everything before and everything after. And feeling dumb about the smoke machine. I'm making out like everything was so horrible, but it really wasn't.

I do think that, as big of a pain in the ass as it is, I should ALWAYS bring my own kit...even if I leave it in the car.

Setlist:
Bodies
One
Easy
At the Door
Gun
Better
Jack
Gotta
Going Down
Fire
Sent
Vacuum

td, Frequency, 3/9/2013 (cd release)

Tyranny Is Tyranny and 4 Aspirin Morning played too.

We sold 6 cds and made $95 at the door (our band share). A decent number of people were in attendance despite the rain but not busting out the sides or anything.

Two beers before, one after. That's three beers too many...but it was not a factor in my performance. It was, however, a factor in my heartburn, lack of sleep later, and general feeling of repeat stupidity.

We played well. The drums were miced well and sounded great. I bled. Missed intro to Gun in Your Grave cause bass pedal was stuck on snare stand but fixed quickly enough so that no one but us noticed. Threw a stick clear over to RS. Forgot to go to outro on HSUL but my ever-helpful bass man gave me the eyeball and I was in it soon enough. Overall I played very well (could not have hoped to play better really) and the evening was a success.

Overwhelming impressions of the evening...at least half of the people who came up to me to say hello who obviously I was supposed to know I did not have any idea who they were. Context clues got me through. Clearly I ignore most people that I meet in life and am an ass.

After gig interactions with crowd were annoying as per usual but in new and different ways. Again, clearly I am an ass. I probably should never leave my house.  That said, plenty of people said we sounded great and I believed them and was not annoyed by them. As always, it is the people who want to reflect on gender and gender roles and to make more out of things as they are than there is that annoy me most. And drunks (present company included). And those with communicable deseases.

Setlist to come.