Teaching

I was jarred out of my week of vacation with a planning meeting for the pilot advanced session of GRC. I've been hired on to teach drums and coach a band. I suspect that if the first string drum teacher were available I wouldn't be involved at all...but that's negative self talk...and anyway it is a moot point because here I am. In addition to teaching a break out session on screen printing (another thing I kinda suck at...negative but true) I'll be teaching an ensemble of 4 to 5 drummers and getting them to write an ensemble piece to perform. I'm squeamish about this for a bunch of reasons...

1. Idea of having to hold together a room full of drummers
2. Idea of listening to a room full of drummers
3. I have zero experience playing in drum ensembles
4. The whole thing smacks of...give the girls hand drums and tamborines and let them fuck around...because ya know...anyone can play drums and all percussion instruments are the same. The whole reason I got into GRC is because I want women to be taken seriously as rock players. Rock players play drum kits. There's a time and place for percussion...but I have no interest in percussion and I also don't think it ought to be a primary concern of a rock camp. The drum kit is an instrument...and it is a totally different instrument from hand drums or any of the other percussion instruments. The kit is a different subject. I play kit. I think they should play kit. I don't know how and don't want to teach percussion. And if someone hands one of those girls a fucking tamborine I am going to lose my shit. If you are going to play tamborine in my class you will screw it to a stand and hit it with a stick.

...but like most things in life I'm sure I'll pull it off just fine and I probably should not have voiced my hesitancy. I sometimes express self-doubt as a way to work through the problem...but the reaction people have to that is:

1. Try to make you feel better about yourself with bullshit compliments that don't address the issue at hand ("You're a great drummer!" "You'll do a great job!" Really...you've never heard me play drums. How do you know I'm a good teacher?)
2. Try to take over and do the thing for you

I don't want either of those things. All I want is to express my thoughts and feelings and be given time to work out the problem on my own. I need to remember that most of the world are extroverts...and they don't understand the way I operate. This is especially true at GRC...which is full of performers and type A personalities. I hate surpressing myself and bowing to the wave of extroverts...but I'm learning in life that it is better to be at peace than to be "right" or to get my opinion in...and so sometimes I need to let things go rather than do battle.

I want to say here that everyone involved at GRC is a super great top notch person. And I think I work well with all of them. None of what I'm saying here is about being mad at any of them. It's just a reflection of my own frustrations walking through this world as an introvert and a person prone to self reflection, honesty, and self criticism. I need to learn new strategies for dealing with the world around me and for how I process the inputs later on. I plan to keep on being very much myself...but to try very hard to worry less about if others "get me"...say less. Everyone need not be made to understand my every thought and feeling every moment that I'm having them because...here's the news...they aren't going to get it no matter how hard I try. And trying and failing to make them understand is just hard on me. I will victimize myself by forcing the issue. And then don't replay every move and every word ad nasium later in my head. That's victimizing myself a second time. Let the situation go. Move on to strategies for solutions. Move forward.

That said...with regards to the first response listed above...I think it is legitimate to say that I only have 6 years experience playing drums and zero experience teaching drums and that I'm therefore a little nervous boardering on dread. That's not putting myself down...it's just the truth of where I am at in my journey. If I was sending my kid to an advanced music camp...I'd want someone with more experience teaching them. That's a fact. Blowing sunshine up my ass doesn't change these facts. I admit though...that I need to learn to take compliments and see them as a spirit lifter instead of BS.

The second response enrages me. I'm not good accepting help...but I especially hate help that is really just someone trying to take over. Like just because I have doubts it means you've written me off. I can...and will...do it. I just need to process. And that takes time. Don't try to "solve" my "problem" RIGHT NOW.

I really need to learn to not voice these misgivings because it always ends up this way. Sadly it is one of my natural tendancies that doesn't play well in the real world...and I have to accept that I'm probably happier keeping these things to myself than dealing with the fallout.

SAY LESS...then LET IT GO. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It's been suggested to just let the girls do whatever they want...and this to me seems ridiculous. They need guidance of some sort. I mean what is the point of having an instructor otherwise?

Oh...I forgot to mention...they are supposed to write an ensemble piece for drum kit...but we are only allowed to have two drumkits on stage...not 4 or 5.

I think that my stategy will involve digging out some of the latin and afrocuban beats that I suck so much at and which have led me to total despair in the past...recording each part separately to a track in Audacity...and then bringing that in to play for them. That way I can layer the parts together...or play them separately. And that way I don't have to remember how to play the parts (which I suck at)...I can play the recording to remind myself.

I can then deconstruct the drum kit into the component parts...bass, snare, hi hat, crash, ride (or cowbell)...and have each girl play one part of the rhythm. And maybe we can have a full drum kit there too and there could be some kind of "each person takes a turn" thing going on (maybe playing an improvised solo against the ensemble). This kind of eliminates the part of playing these rhythms that is so hard for me...which is playing them all at the same time on a kit. And it exposes them to the concepts. I probably should stand off to the side and beat a constant quarter note pulse on something that cuts through like a cowbell too...or else the whole thing is likely to go off the rails (or maybe designate one girl to do that).

Anyway...I think I can use this concept as a starting place and then let them evolve it where ever it goes. It solves the issue of only being able to have two kits on stage...and the issue of me not knowing what to do. And it ends up actually being a decent exercise towards advanced drumming concepts. We can talk about how hard it is to combine the parts on the kit too...maybe one of them will even get it on the kit.

And I can spend the next 3 months putting together the recordings and practicing the rhythms so I feel more confident by the time the class rolls around.