Popular

Someone on FB had a little freak out about the lack of women (particularly women who play instruments) in rock. The discussion got a little out of hand...as these things tend to do...as it got expanded to the "plight" of women...and into the territory of "guys can't say anything without getting in trouble."

I have strong feelings on the subject for sure, but the discussion got a little derailed I think.

Here's what I have observed:
1. Yeah, there aren't a ton of women playing non-acoustic guitars in mainstream music.
2. As a performer who is obstensively female, I get the following two reactions at shows over-and-over-and-over:
     a. From guys: "Wow, it is awesome to see a girl rocking!"
     b. From gals: "Wow, you're awesome. I admire you so much. I could never do what you do."

Both of these reactions piss me off a lot. 

The guy because, if I were obstensively male and played exactly the same way...they would not have come up to me, noticed me, or said anything. I would just be some dude in the band. It annoys me that my gender appearance means they feel the need to attach extra "awesome" to my performance.

The gal because...fuck you. You could absolutely do this. Stop being a victim.

I will say that I had a transformative experience in spring 2011 which made me temper my reactions to these two kinds of people. Basically I watched my favorite band play the exact same show 3 times in a row...and while following them on the road I heard this story on NPR. The summary of the story is that the cast of Riverdance played the lotto. The subtext is about how, even if you love something, doing it night after night gets boring. AND no matter if you have your best performance of a lifetime or your worst, an audience perceives about the same level of enjoyment. The audience is there to have fun, and so they want you to succeed. They don't notice your fuck-ups for the most part...or your triumphs. 

What's the point of bringing up this? It made me think about how I relate to audiences.It was timely to hear the story while I was watching 4 people I admired play the same show night after night...and while I was wishing they were more engaged with the audience...and wishing they would talk to the fans after the show. It made me realize...they don't care so much about us...they care about where they are gonna have dinner tonight.  I also was aware of the impact of energy on the outcome of a show. If the audience is having fun...the band will have fun...and the show will be better. Showing that you, as a band member, are having fun is almost more important than playing well.

I play for myself...not for the audience. But noticing all these things made me realize that there is a benefit in trying to connect with the audience. Because it makes the experience better for everyone. And, the most important thing, even if you can't bring yourself to connect with an audience...is to have fun and to show that you are having fun.

Anyway, it made me realize that, when people talk to me after a show, I should try to be nice. I should thank them and not be irritated. I should accept the compliment. It doesn't matter that I know that they don't understand the technical issues behind the music. I should just let them have the moment. And I should be grateful for thier interest.

That doesn't change the fact that they are dumb-asses of course.

And getting back to the original issue...yeah...women are second class citizens. Thanks for the news flash. The only way you fix that is through the doing. Stop your bitching. Stop being a victim. Stop hating men. Just do your thing and the rest will follow. Have fun...and the rest will follow.

A footnote:
Who the fuck listens to "popular" music anyway? And why, for the love of all that is good and holy, would you judge anything by that crap? It would be like using McDonald's as the guide post for food. That's not food...that's crap. Mass produced, mass advertised, crap. Sure, lots of people consume it...but does that make it good or important or anything at all to waste your time over? Do you think "Why oh why isn't my home-cooking as popular as McDonald's?!?" No. Because WHO THE FUCK CARES? It is a false comparison. There are shit tons of women playing music all over this world. In every nook and cranny. Be one of them and stop worrying who's listening. Because...IT DOESN'T MATTER.

The world, sadly, is not set up for the smartest or the most qualified or the kindest to "succeed". It is set up for money to "succeed". So redefine success for yourself.

If you want to work towards social equity...go ahead. But if what you want is to be a rock star. Be a fucking rock star. Don't wait for society's approval.