CJ rehearsal was cancelled last night and so I got to thinking about what the hell lay in store for us ahead. It has been easy for the last 3 years to continue to plow through the catalog 2 to 4 songs at a time. But the remaining list is becoming small. I took a look last night and played through those that I have worked out.
The boys and I argue from time to time as to what songs count...but here's my full list of the remaining songs:
Albums Cuts (these are probably all must haves)
All Over The World (RS hates this song, I think it is actually pretty well known and overdue for us to learn)
Havalina (I like this song, but I think it is tricky for the guitar players and the lead vocal)
Stormy Weather (this is a terrible song)
The Happening (this is a terrible song)
B-sides/Rarities Bailey's Walk (a screamer but maybe one of the better known b-sides)
Bam Thwok (I'm sure not even they count this as one of their songs, but I love it and it would be a vocal break for RS)
Boom Chicka Boom (pretty obscure)
Make Believe (I read once that KiD thought she should be shot for writing this song, so I'm conflicted about playing it)
Rock A My Soul (the boys love this song)
Santo (pretty obscure but I think the boys like it. It's kind of a good song).
The Thing (this is really just The Happening)
Theme from Narc (useful as a vocal break for RS)
Weird At My School (I feel like this is a must have)
Covers
Wild Honey Pie (really the only defensible song on the cover list)
Ain't That Pretty at All (I really like this song)
Born in Chicago
Evil Hearted You
I Can't Forget
I've Been Waiting For You (worth looking into as a vocal break for RS only)
Hang on to Your Ego (known far more as a FB tune)
All Around the World (only covered at Newport...it is a stretch)
No One, Not Even Me Counts This Though I Saw Something that Said It Was a Demo Once
Brackish Boy (known far more as a FB tune)
The exercise of me playing through the ones that I know last night sort of made me think the future is bleak. No one in the world would miss if we never learned any of them. It seems ridiculous to get this far and NOT go ahead and learn the last four tunes off Bossa though. It's like running a marathon and then deciding there's no point to cross the finish line. Bailey and Weird and the only B-sides that I'd be truly sad not to attempt...actually I'm okay not doing Bailey because I feel like it is kind of a torture for the singer.
I think that we could yet learn an acoustic set and milk that at coffee shops for a while...and that we all have an interest in playing in other towns. But for that you almost kind of have to let go of the rare tunes and play an all hits set. Some might argue that isn't true...but you're selling a known product...so if you don't stick with the known I think you alienate the average audience. There's always the whack job who wants to hear Make Believe...and I'm usually that whack job...but they are a minority for sure. Probably they'll be satisfied with something like Manta Ray, which is always so well received that we'll surely keep it in rotation.
So what does a "tour" set look like anyway? Here's my stab in alpha order:
Gotta Have
Caribou
Debaser
Dig For Fire
Gigantic
Gouge Away
Here Comes Your Man
Hey
Manta Ray
Monkey Gone To Heaven
Nimrod's Son
River Euphrates
Tame
Vamos
Velouria
Wave Of Mutilation
Where Is My Mind?
Play If Time
Alec Eiffel
Allison
Bird Dream of the Olympus Mons
Bone Machine
Cactus
Crackity Jones
Dead
Ed Is Dead
I Bleed
Into the White
La La Love You
Mr Grieves
Planet of Sound
Something Against You
The Holiday Song
Trompe le Monde
The problem with the gotta have list is, of course, that is is half songs from Doolittle. But I guess there's a reason they could tour on that album exclusively for years. And there's nothing from Trompe, which could be a mistake since some people came to them via the last record. That could be fixed by throwing Alec and maybe Planet of Sound on there instead of something else.
But this is still a LOT of songs. If you are in a strange town and no one has heard you play before, it is very likely that you'll only get 30 minutes. And if you had to do only 30 minutes it gets pretty tough to get anythign in there other than a certain list of songs. You'd have like 10 songs maybe. What would they be?
Debaser
Dig For Fire
Gigantic
Here Comes Your Man
Hey
Monkey Gone To Heaven
Tame OR Gouge Away OR Trompe le Monde
Velouria
Wave Of Mutilation
Where Is My Mind?
Yeah that's gotta be what it boils down to, eh? Still half Doolittle.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Being a Rawk Star
I've been a poo-poo head all week about performing...but I think that I'm calming down. The key, as with so many things in life, I think, is to not get too tightly wound. Being tightly wound is my specialty.
I was thinking today about what a relatively short strange trip it has been in the rock star world for me. From the one-off rehearsal of a Pogues tribute band in 1992 all the way to being in 5 performing rock bands today. Most of the true performing part of that journey has been stuffed into the time between now and fall 2006...a little over 6 years.
Much to my shock, I am now in bands with people who have less performing experience than I do...at least in the rock ensemble realm. And so things come up like people not realizing that rock shows pretty much happen after 10pm at night. Or people not thinking that getting "off book" is important. Or people being shocked at the conditions that grunt rock bands endure. Or people saying "hey we ought to play this show...there's 20 other bands and if we sell 100 tickets than we might get our big break!" Or people asking me how to put their drums together or how to use guitar pedals or how to book a gig.
When did I become the veteran?
I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I went from average bike commuter to running one of the largest bicycle advocacy groups in country after just two years experience at a flunky desk job in bicycle arm-pit of the world Indiana. How do you become the expert? You just do the work and pretend like you know what you are doing.
And then, at the other end of the spectrum, folks who I admire greatly and who have 20 years head start on me and who have credits on one of the most influential albums in history...well they are playing the same clubs I am and sleeping on my couch these days (in between mega tours in support of reunions of said influential album anyway).
It's all just SO WEIRD.
I think I gotta just dial back to basics. Spend time with nice people playing music that you like. Work hard on it...but not TOO hard. Challenge yourself but don't over-reach. Show it off to other people but don't get bent out of shape if you don't have the "perfect" performance every night. Don't hang your self-worth on whether or not you hit every note to your best possible ability. Conditions change...brains and feet and hands do unexpected things. All you can do is try to be prepared. In the end it is unlikely that anyone but you will notice if it is good, bad, or indifferent. Be nice to those people that you're showing off to cause they are wasting thier night hanging out listening. Sure moving the crap around is a pain...but at least hauling stuff around is good exercise. Sure equipment is expensive and breaks...but it is the tools that let you do the stuff. You aren't doing any of this to be famous or to make a living. You're doing it cause it is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. Take a deep breath. It is, after all, called "playing."
So play.
I was thinking today about what a relatively short strange trip it has been in the rock star world for me. From the one-off rehearsal of a Pogues tribute band in 1992 all the way to being in 5 performing rock bands today. Most of the true performing part of that journey has been stuffed into the time between now and fall 2006...a little over 6 years.
Much to my shock, I am now in bands with people who have less performing experience than I do...at least in the rock ensemble realm. And so things come up like people not realizing that rock shows pretty much happen after 10pm at night. Or people not thinking that getting "off book" is important. Or people being shocked at the conditions that grunt rock bands endure. Or people saying "hey we ought to play this show...there's 20 other bands and if we sell 100 tickets than we might get our big break!" Or people asking me how to put their drums together or how to use guitar pedals or how to book a gig.
When did I become the veteran?
I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I went from average bike commuter to running one of the largest bicycle advocacy groups in country after just two years experience at a flunky desk job in bicycle arm-pit of the world Indiana. How do you become the expert? You just do the work and pretend like you know what you are doing.
And then, at the other end of the spectrum, folks who I admire greatly and who have 20 years head start on me and who have credits on one of the most influential albums in history...well they are playing the same clubs I am and sleeping on my couch these days (in between mega tours in support of reunions of said influential album anyway).
It's all just SO WEIRD.
I think I gotta just dial back to basics. Spend time with nice people playing music that you like. Work hard on it...but not TOO hard. Challenge yourself but don't over-reach. Show it off to other people but don't get bent out of shape if you don't have the "perfect" performance every night. Don't hang your self-worth on whether or not you hit every note to your best possible ability. Conditions change...brains and feet and hands do unexpected things. All you can do is try to be prepared. In the end it is unlikely that anyone but you will notice if it is good, bad, or indifferent. Be nice to those people that you're showing off to cause they are wasting thier night hanging out listening. Sure moving the crap around is a pain...but at least hauling stuff around is good exercise. Sure equipment is expensive and breaks...but it is the tools that let you do the stuff. You aren't doing any of this to be famous or to make a living. You're doing it cause it is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. Take a deep breath. It is, after all, called "playing."
So play.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Lessons
I'm debating quitting bass lessons. I feel like I'm not putting forth any kind of effort with regard to lessons and the structure provided by the teacher is probably too loose. Not that I want a more restrictive structure. I think it has been helpful to take the lessons as a kind of...check in and see how I'm doing. The answer is "I'm doing fine". I could be doing better...but that would require PRACTICE and STUDY. It has occurred to me recently that my problem may very well be not that I don't work hard enough...but that I indeed work TOO hard. I've got some tips to head out into the world with now and I can check back and reapply myself with those as needed...but I think I'm done. My only questioning about quitting is if it is an impulsive thing to do. I don't think it is. I can always pick up again. I think this has just run its course for now. The money and time could probably be reapplied elsewhere better.
UPDATE: I did quit. This week will be my last lesson. It is a relief already. She gave me only a mild lecture about needing an instructor to help hold one's feet to the fire...a lengthy email that actually ended up seeming more like her evaluating her own situation as a student than her evaluating mine. I think I've been holding my own feet too close to the fire lately though. It is maybe time to cool them for awhile. There will always be time to press onward with determination. For now I think I need to rest a bit in loving-kindness.
UPDATE: I did quit. This week will be my last lesson. It is a relief already. She gave me only a mild lecture about needing an instructor to help hold one's feet to the fire...a lengthy email that actually ended up seeming more like her evaluating her own situation as a student than her evaluating mine. I think I've been holding my own feet too close to the fire lately though. It is maybe time to cool them for awhile. There will always be time to press onward with determination. For now I think I need to rest a bit in loving-kindness.
Perception/Reality/Psychosis
It should be noted that I have heard back multiple reports from the show last Wednesday and people were universally either impressed we how we dealt with or oblivious to my own personal hell that unravelled (and subsesquently sent me into a deep depression for several days and had me pondering giving up performing entirely). There was also a fair amount of "the guitar sounded great in the house as a bass."
The lesson I ought to take from all of this is the lighten up. But of course the lesson I am taking is...people are idiots who don't pay attention or know what they are listening to and WHY THE HELL DO I BOTHER TO BUY AND DRAG AROUND NICE EQUIPMENT IF ANY PIECE OF SHIT RUN THROUGH THE HOUSE PA WILL WORK JUST FINE.
As a compromise...I may...MAY...try to take away that I shouldn't get so invested at least...cause it really doesn't fucking matter to anyone but me anyway.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Performing
The last post was pretty gloomy and it led to a FB discussion on the matter, which I nearly always regret...but oh well.
It really has got me to wondering though...what the hell is the point of playing out? I've always said that I play out because it makes the band more committed. People rehearse less often and come to rehearsal less prepared if there's no deadline of a performance looming. That annoys me. I want to play frequently and well.
I haven't said out loud the second factor though...which is that playing out lends legitimacy to a band. There are bands that play out and there are bands that "only" play "in the basement" (insert look down nose here). In all honesty, I've yet to feel full legitimacy in a band...though CJ approaches that. I always kind of feel like I'm on the B squad. Not a "real" band. Just a bunch of wanna-bes.
But I think that my skills (and the solidity of at least a few of the bands that I play in) are improving to the point where I'm "good enough."
But anyway...who is lending this STAMP OF APPROVAL? It's really all in my head.
And so, when I think about it, what's the end game? When will I feel legitimate? Probably never, right? So by that metric...really what is the point of playing out?
It is funny because, I think lots of musicians can feel where I'm coming from on this. But non-musicians (the audience) can't. It's probably a great insult to them in fact. They thought the performance was ABOUT THEM. Nothing, at least in my case, could be further from the truth.
And I am so horrible at taking compliments that there is probably nothing nice that you could say to me after watching a performance that I would take to heart. I would assume that you were either just being nice or had no idea what you were talking about or were guided by some other motivating factor (the "fan" phenomenon).
Side discussion: What is the fan phenomenon you ask? You like a performance or a performer for reasons that have nothing to do with the performance. You admire them or you have a crush on them or you have some secret wish to be a musician or you are drunk or something. I can speak to the fan phenomenon because I do it to other people. ALL THE TIME. Subset of the fan phenomenon...any song that you have heard at least five times in your life you will probably sort of like whether it is good or not. It is the rule of familiarity...a sub-set of the fan phenomenon.
Back to topic...I probably don't enjoy performing because I'm not performing for the audience. I'm performing to play. The audience is, if anything, just there to make me feel like what I'm doing is legitimate. In truth, they make me uncomfortable at best. I've discussed before with non-musicians that this is a bizarre way to approach the performance from their perspective. It is entirely true that I'd probably enjoy performing more if I got some kind of good feeling from playing for others. But I don't. I could, perhaps, condition myself to enjoy it or try harder to make a connection...but it is a little like saying that I might get along better in the world and be less depressed if I smiled at people and tried to make a connection. I'm not sure that is in my DNA. I'm not saying that I couldn't change. I'm saying that I don't want to change...and that even if I did it would be difficult and possibly fail.
Given the DNA that I have, though...should I be performing? I guess I'm saying that I'm not sure that I should.
This is related more than slightly with another part of my life. I wrote a novel. I enjoyed writing it a bunch. I enjoyed less so, preparing it for publication. It felt good to have it published though and to hold the finished product in my hand. Pretty universally, though, I've been uncomfortable with the idea that anyone that I know or will ever meet face to face might read the book. I'm more ok with strangers who I will never meet reading it...but even some of them have made me uncomfortable...particularly the ones who felt the need to criticize it publicly. I wasn't ready for criticism. I also wasn't ready for other people to interpret the book in their own ways...or for people to wonder about my motivations or whatnot. My only condolence is that a handful of people have been helped by the book, and I believe that to be true in my heart. Otherwise, it was a horrible experience and it has made me hesititant to repeat. If I do publish another...I will not promote it. If you need it, you'll find it.
I've had a similar experience with every recording that I've ever made and allowed another person to hear.
Anyway...I don't know where I'm headed with all of this. I guess that the take home is that you really can't get validation from someone or something outside of yourself. And if you are getting validation from inside...than you don't need the external validation really at all.
There are people who get satisfaction from performance, that's the fun part. For me it is a chore to be suffered through. So why am I doing it?
It really has got me to wondering though...what the hell is the point of playing out? I've always said that I play out because it makes the band more committed. People rehearse less often and come to rehearsal less prepared if there's no deadline of a performance looming. That annoys me. I want to play frequently and well.
I haven't said out loud the second factor though...which is that playing out lends legitimacy to a band. There are bands that play out and there are bands that "only" play "in the basement" (insert look down nose here). In all honesty, I've yet to feel full legitimacy in a band...though CJ approaches that. I always kind of feel like I'm on the B squad. Not a "real" band. Just a bunch of wanna-bes.
But I think that my skills (and the solidity of at least a few of the bands that I play in) are improving to the point where I'm "good enough."
But anyway...who is lending this STAMP OF APPROVAL? It's really all in my head.
And so, when I think about it, what's the end game? When will I feel legitimate? Probably never, right? So by that metric...really what is the point of playing out?
It is funny because, I think lots of musicians can feel where I'm coming from on this. But non-musicians (the audience) can't. It's probably a great insult to them in fact. They thought the performance was ABOUT THEM. Nothing, at least in my case, could be further from the truth.
And I am so horrible at taking compliments that there is probably nothing nice that you could say to me after watching a performance that I would take to heart. I would assume that you were either just being nice or had no idea what you were talking about or were guided by some other motivating factor (the "fan" phenomenon).
Side discussion: What is the fan phenomenon you ask? You like a performance or a performer for reasons that have nothing to do with the performance. You admire them or you have a crush on them or you have some secret wish to be a musician or you are drunk or something. I can speak to the fan phenomenon because I do it to other people. ALL THE TIME. Subset of the fan phenomenon...any song that you have heard at least five times in your life you will probably sort of like whether it is good or not. It is the rule of familiarity...a sub-set of the fan phenomenon.
Back to topic...I probably don't enjoy performing because I'm not performing for the audience. I'm performing to play. The audience is, if anything, just there to make me feel like what I'm doing is legitimate. In truth, they make me uncomfortable at best. I've discussed before with non-musicians that this is a bizarre way to approach the performance from their perspective. It is entirely true that I'd probably enjoy performing more if I got some kind of good feeling from playing for others. But I don't. I could, perhaps, condition myself to enjoy it or try harder to make a connection...but it is a little like saying that I might get along better in the world and be less depressed if I smiled at people and tried to make a connection. I'm not sure that is in my DNA. I'm not saying that I couldn't change. I'm saying that I don't want to change...and that even if I did it would be difficult and possibly fail.
Given the DNA that I have, though...should I be performing? I guess I'm saying that I'm not sure that I should.
This is related more than slightly with another part of my life. I wrote a novel. I enjoyed writing it a bunch. I enjoyed less so, preparing it for publication. It felt good to have it published though and to hold the finished product in my hand. Pretty universally, though, I've been uncomfortable with the idea that anyone that I know or will ever meet face to face might read the book. I'm more ok with strangers who I will never meet reading it...but even some of them have made me uncomfortable...particularly the ones who felt the need to criticize it publicly. I wasn't ready for criticism. I also wasn't ready for other people to interpret the book in their own ways...or for people to wonder about my motivations or whatnot. My only condolence is that a handful of people have been helped by the book, and I believe that to be true in my heart. Otherwise, it was a horrible experience and it has made me hesititant to repeat. If I do publish another...I will not promote it. If you need it, you'll find it.
I've had a similar experience with every recording that I've ever made and allowed another person to hear.
Anyway...I don't know where I'm headed with all of this. I guess that the take home is that you really can't get validation from someone or something outside of yourself. And if you are getting validation from inside...than you don't need the external validation really at all.
There are people who get satisfaction from performance, that's the fun part. For me it is a chore to be suffered through. So why am I doing it?
CJ, 1/23/2013, HNS
I'm feeling hollow this morning. It is because I'm thinking about how I spend about 20-40 hours per week learning, practicing, rehearsing, and performing music...plus many more hours distracted when I ought to be doing my day job researching music...and no matter how hard I work or how much I care, nearly without exception...performances do not go well. I mean, they go OKAY...but there's always more flubbed notes than in rehearsal, there's always some sound issue that makes things sound sub-par, or there's some total technical breakdown. It is just disappointing to work so hard and for the final product to nearly always come up short. I'm bummed.
So last night CJ played a happy hour show at HNS. Two sets...just us on the bill. We haven't had a Pixies show since last August. RS has been struggling with a sinus infection for like 6 weeks, and he just got his full voice back a week or so ago. Our last rehearsal went really well. I was looking forward to the show.
It was sparsely attended...until later on...but I think the bar was filling up because of some "Nerd Night" event that was to happen after our show. I have conflicted feelings about a sanctioned "Nerd Night" event. Not to be a snob, but if you didn't attend NMIMT or similar than I bristle a bit at you calling yourself a nerd. I know real nerds...and you, sir, are no nerd. There is some level of "otherness" to being a nerd...so the idea of filling a 400 seat venue with them...I don't know...if felt like the term was being co-opted by the mainstream. Being a nerd can't, by definition, be trendy...ya know? I know I'm being judgmental and a bitch. Maybe these were the true 400 nerds that live in Madison. Not my business. I digress (did I mention that I'm in a bad mood?)
During set up there was some funniness. I couldn't get any sound and at first we thought it was my amp and then a cable and then everything seemed fine except for some buzzing and some vibration sounds. Shrug. Oh...and RS found out a speaker on his VOX amp was blown. Other weirdness...I was getting lots of microphone shocks...so they gave me an "Afro-Jack" style mic cover and all was well (except it was hard to get used to the cover). Oh and I didn't have any guitar in my monitor, which seemed fine during sound check, but then I realized that I had to stand in front of RS's amp, not to the side, or else this weird sonic thing happened where I was getting all CT and no RS and it made the songs sound unrecognizable.
So we played. I played ok. I was feeling oddly paranoid about forgetting parts...the dread of too much muscle memory. But when you've got almost 70 tunes memorized (well...more than that if you count the tunes I have memorized for other bands) there just comes a point where you worry that your wires will cross and you'll go blank. Just such a thing happened to me during D=RxT. I was really looking forward to the tune and then when it came I blanked the third note. I probably had 20 shots at figuring it out during the song and missed every single one. What a weird fucking song to forget. Anyway, it was an exercise in getting off the wrong note and trying out others. Bleh.
That said, I felt ok about the first set.
Second set I forgot to take off my tuning mute so missed first few notes of Crackity Jones. Whatever. Something weird happened during Debaser...I think I was right on but maybe RS didn't go to the outro at the right time...I dunno...we fixed it, probably no one noticed. Alec Eiffel sounded horrible to me. We made it through 6 songs and then Nimrod's Son started. Half way through my amp made a loud noise and then I had no sound. The boys kept playing the song. I remember that I had bass during the first chorus...but during the second chorus I sang without bass. The sound guys scrambled. After some testing the diagnosis was that it was my bass...a loose wire. The sound guys took the bass away to look for solder and I grabbed CT's backup guitar and played it through my amp. We skipped There Goes My Gun and played Hey. No luck finding solder so the sound guys switched me to DI in the house and we did Gigantic. CT's guitar sounded super distorted through my amp, which I didn't understand because I had no effects on. I wondered if I'd blown my speaker too. It was unbearable so I stopped us a few bars into Bird Dream and had the sound guys put me all DI and in the monitor. The sound was the same. We played BD. It sounded really weird. I was super loud in the monitor and had trouble communicating it to sound guys, so I turned down, which of course annoyed them. After the song I explained to them the situation and they adjusted.
By now we were way over time. We skipped Allison, Wave, Isla, Vamos (CT always gets screwed out of his solo...see the first paragraph above), and dropped Tame. We played Where Is My Mind (sound guys made me sound like an angel on that) and Gouge Away and we were done.
I had two beers during the show, the first I've had in 3 weeks. I do not think this contributed in any negative way to the situation, but it did make me feel like an asshole the whole time (perhaps self-conscious and paranoid a bit) and meant that I didn't sleep all night. I don't like having to second guess if substances are contributing to problems. It's hard to take total responsibility for every thing I say or action I take (because I always feel like I say and do the wrong things)...but that's better than not knowing if I am in control or not. I think that I am always going to have this weird brain fart kind of feeling at a show. It just isn't like rehearsal unfortunately. But better to know that it is just what it is and not something else...if that makes any sense. I shouldn't have drank. That was stupid. I don't think it hurt anything in reality, but I didn't like the way it made me feel.
I think I know what happened to the equipment, but I haven't taken a look yet. Hopefully the amp is fine (though I really think something is loose inside that causes a rattling noise at high volume) and the loose wire in the bass is an easy fix. Lesson learned...always bring a backup instrument.
CT said he wants to debrief about all that went wrong. I get the sense he was struggling last night, though I didn't notice other than him mentioning it. What is there to debrief ABOUT really though? Apparently playing out just sucks. It just isn't as awesome as sitting in a closed room together just the 4 of us.
I feel really discouraged in general at the moment. I plan music to challenge myself and because it is fun. We play these shows though and they nearly always go poorly. They are a pain in the ass logistically and we don't make any money at it. Very few people come out to listen. It just feels like a stupid thing to do, playing out. I've always said that I only play out to force my bands to play to a higher level than people tend to attain if they stay in the basement. But I have two start-up bands that want me to book shows and I feel like...really? Why the fuck would we want to play out?
Sometimes life is just a struggle ya know? Where are we going and what are we doing? And why? And what difference does it make?
The sad footnote to last night's show...it was professionally recorded. What a frickin' waste of 1's and 0's.
Set 1:
Bone Machine
I Bleed
Motorway to Roswell
Navajo Know
Ed is Dead
Build High
Dig for Fire
Letter to Memphis
Dead
Monkey Gone to Heaven
La La Love You
Winterlong
Subbacultcha
D=RxT
Lovely Day
Manta Ray
Set 2:
Crackity Jones
Debaser
Alec Eiffel
Holiday Song
River Euphrates
Here Comes Your Man
Nimrod's Son
There Goes My Gun (skipped for time)
Hey
Gigantic
Bird Dream
Allison (skipped for time)
Wave (skipped for time)
Isla de Encanta (skipped for time)
Vamos (skipped for time)
Where is My Mind
Gouge Away
Tame (skipped for time)
So last night CJ played a happy hour show at HNS. Two sets...just us on the bill. We haven't had a Pixies show since last August. RS has been struggling with a sinus infection for like 6 weeks, and he just got his full voice back a week or so ago. Our last rehearsal went really well. I was looking forward to the show.
It was sparsely attended...until later on...but I think the bar was filling up because of some "Nerd Night" event that was to happen after our show. I have conflicted feelings about a sanctioned "Nerd Night" event. Not to be a snob, but if you didn't attend NMIMT or similar than I bristle a bit at you calling yourself a nerd. I know real nerds...and you, sir, are no nerd. There is some level of "otherness" to being a nerd...so the idea of filling a 400 seat venue with them...I don't know...if felt like the term was being co-opted by the mainstream. Being a nerd can't, by definition, be trendy...ya know? I know I'm being judgmental and a bitch. Maybe these were the true 400 nerds that live in Madison. Not my business. I digress (did I mention that I'm in a bad mood?)
During set up there was some funniness. I couldn't get any sound and at first we thought it was my amp and then a cable and then everything seemed fine except for some buzzing and some vibration sounds. Shrug. Oh...and RS found out a speaker on his VOX amp was blown. Other weirdness...I was getting lots of microphone shocks...so they gave me an "Afro-Jack" style mic cover and all was well (except it was hard to get used to the cover). Oh and I didn't have any guitar in my monitor, which seemed fine during sound check, but then I realized that I had to stand in front of RS's amp, not to the side, or else this weird sonic thing happened where I was getting all CT and no RS and it made the songs sound unrecognizable.
So we played. I played ok. I was feeling oddly paranoid about forgetting parts...the dread of too much muscle memory. But when you've got almost 70 tunes memorized (well...more than that if you count the tunes I have memorized for other bands) there just comes a point where you worry that your wires will cross and you'll go blank. Just such a thing happened to me during D=RxT. I was really looking forward to the tune and then when it came I blanked the third note. I probably had 20 shots at figuring it out during the song and missed every single one. What a weird fucking song to forget. Anyway, it was an exercise in getting off the wrong note and trying out others. Bleh.
That said, I felt ok about the first set.
Second set I forgot to take off my tuning mute so missed first few notes of Crackity Jones. Whatever. Something weird happened during Debaser...I think I was right on but maybe RS didn't go to the outro at the right time...I dunno...we fixed it, probably no one noticed. Alec Eiffel sounded horrible to me. We made it through 6 songs and then Nimrod's Son started. Half way through my amp made a loud noise and then I had no sound. The boys kept playing the song. I remember that I had bass during the first chorus...but during the second chorus I sang without bass. The sound guys scrambled. After some testing the diagnosis was that it was my bass...a loose wire. The sound guys took the bass away to look for solder and I grabbed CT's backup guitar and played it through my amp. We skipped There Goes My Gun and played Hey. No luck finding solder so the sound guys switched me to DI in the house and we did Gigantic. CT's guitar sounded super distorted through my amp, which I didn't understand because I had no effects on. I wondered if I'd blown my speaker too. It was unbearable so I stopped us a few bars into Bird Dream and had the sound guys put me all DI and in the monitor. The sound was the same. We played BD. It sounded really weird. I was super loud in the monitor and had trouble communicating it to sound guys, so I turned down, which of course annoyed them. After the song I explained to them the situation and they adjusted.
By now we were way over time. We skipped Allison, Wave, Isla, Vamos (CT always gets screwed out of his solo...see the first paragraph above), and dropped Tame. We played Where Is My Mind (sound guys made me sound like an angel on that) and Gouge Away and we were done.
I had two beers during the show, the first I've had in 3 weeks. I do not think this contributed in any negative way to the situation, but it did make me feel like an asshole the whole time (perhaps self-conscious and paranoid a bit) and meant that I didn't sleep all night. I don't like having to second guess if substances are contributing to problems. It's hard to take total responsibility for every thing I say or action I take (because I always feel like I say and do the wrong things)...but that's better than not knowing if I am in control or not. I think that I am always going to have this weird brain fart kind of feeling at a show. It just isn't like rehearsal unfortunately. But better to know that it is just what it is and not something else...if that makes any sense. I shouldn't have drank. That was stupid. I don't think it hurt anything in reality, but I didn't like the way it made me feel.
I think I know what happened to the equipment, but I haven't taken a look yet. Hopefully the amp is fine (though I really think something is loose inside that causes a rattling noise at high volume) and the loose wire in the bass is an easy fix. Lesson learned...always bring a backup instrument.
CT said he wants to debrief about all that went wrong. I get the sense he was struggling last night, though I didn't notice other than him mentioning it. What is there to debrief ABOUT really though? Apparently playing out just sucks. It just isn't as awesome as sitting in a closed room together just the 4 of us.
I feel really discouraged in general at the moment. I plan music to challenge myself and because it is fun. We play these shows though and they nearly always go poorly. They are a pain in the ass logistically and we don't make any money at it. Very few people come out to listen. It just feels like a stupid thing to do, playing out. I've always said that I only play out to force my bands to play to a higher level than people tend to attain if they stay in the basement. But I have two start-up bands that want me to book shows and I feel like...really? Why the fuck would we want to play out?
Sometimes life is just a struggle ya know? Where are we going and what are we doing? And why? And what difference does it make?
The sad footnote to last night's show...it was professionally recorded. What a frickin' waste of 1's and 0's.
Set 1:
Bone Machine
I Bleed
Motorway to Roswell
Navajo Know
Ed is Dead
Build High
Dig for Fire
Letter to Memphis
Dead
Monkey Gone to Heaven
La La Love You
Winterlong
Subbacultcha
D=RxT
Lovely Day
Manta Ray
Set 2:
Crackity Jones
Debaser
Alec Eiffel
Holiday Song
River Euphrates
Here Comes Your Man
Nimrod's Son
There Goes My Gun (skipped for time)
Hey
Gigantic
Bird Dream
Allison (skipped for time)
Wave (skipped for time)
Isla de Encanta (skipped for time)
Vamos (skipped for time)
Where is My Mind
Gouge Away
Tame (skipped for time)
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Fatigue and Potential Injury
The whole thing about my back, shoulders, and hands that has been bumming me out. I suddenly remembered today that this happened once before...when I was learning Blondie songs on the drums. Basically, I pushed myself to learn things that were beyond my skills at the time...and then kind of hurt myself. In the end, the solution was to relax and not try so fucking hard. I didn't get things perfect...but they ended up being good enough all the same.
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