CJ, 8/4/2010, Frequency

We played first at 8pm. I met the guys at the show at 6:30pm. I did vocal warmups in the car on the way over along with my cd from my singing class. I had two pints of Spotted Cow before the show, about half of a double Jager shot during, and three 12 ounce beers after the show. I at no time felt tipsy. Ate a good meal at 5pm. Ate cheese curds after the show.

We played a 45 minute set of all the hits. Attendance was sparse, but not terrible. We left before payout. We asked the bar to donate our take (10% of bar plus tips) to the touring band from MN that was headlining.

My mic malfunctioned and so the second song was a disaster for me. Debaser...which has already been causing me trouble. I sort of half played the song while I tried to get the mic fixed. The cable had come unhooked.

That kind of wrecked me for the first half of the set. My vocals went fine all night but I kept playing wrong notes on the bass. This is weird. It happened on Tuesday night at rehearsal too. I've been playing these songs pretty flawlessly for about 4 months now and all of the sudden I've got brain fart. It didn't have anything to do with drinking...I know the feeling of messing stuff up cause you're drunk. I didn't feel impaired at all. This was just totally brain fart. I don't get why it is happening all of the sudden. It's mostly on Here Comes Your Man and Debaser...which makes sense because those songs have a lot of notes and I play them mainly by muscle memory...but also on some of the easy tunes as well.

I'm going to chalk this up to the fact that, up until about a month ago, I was playing every single song that we know every single day. Now I pretty much only play what is in the set for the next gig...and I only play them on my own about once a week and with the band about once a week. And we didn't have a rehearsal last week. And I tend to skip the ones that bore me or that I think I know. So I'm thinking that all the repetition early on really did burn some serious muscle memory...and now that's faded. There's more songs and several of them are kind of similiar...and I just don't know them as well. It kind of surprises me that I would lose so much so quickly...but there it is.

I can't really go on playing every single song that we know every single day. We're over 30 songs now and I have to learn 4 new ones for the next show. There just isn't enough time in the day to do that AND practice drum stuff. I mean...there actually IS enough time in the day if I sit on the couch less. So I should suck it the fuck up. I ought to at least be playing the next shows set all the way through once every other day...once a day if possible. That's only 45-90 minutes depending on set length and I've got that time. I just have to use it. I've just gotten lazy and cocky.

Anyway...it beats exercising.

I think I was really excited when we first got started and super eager to prove myself...and now that's worn off some. Things have gotten routine and I've lost some interest. But I hate that feeling of getting lost in the middle of a song in front of people. So that's got to get fixed.

I don't really think anyone but me noticed any of this...as always I've got the micro-view on it. Overall things went fine. The second half of the set went pretty well even for me. I was left wanting to do better next time, though.

Oh...and then there's the fan report.

So I've gotten used to people freaking out about seeing a "female" drummer or bass player. It annoys me every single time, but I expect it. There's something else happening in this band, though. There's alot of people out there who have REALLY strong feelings about Kim Deal. They think she's sexy, cool, and generally awesome. Some people think she's god. I'm not kidding. That's what they say anyway.

The interesting thing to me about Kim Deal is that she plays really very simple, stripped down bass lines. I don't know if she does this on purpose or if it's all that she knows to do. In other words...is it genius or is it lameness? Does she play that way because it is what best serves the songs...or is it lack of training on the bass? Either way, it ends up sounding good. And I am grateful that she plays this way because it is what allows me...someone without much training or skill on the bass...to play bass in this band. And as for people who think she's a great bass player...do they REALLY know what they are talking about? It's the genius/lameness argument again...only on the listener.

Second weird thing about Kim Deal and the way people feel about her. They think she's cool and sexy. Certainly when she was young, she was a good looking woman. She still is...but in her youth she was even more so. But she's never been super thin...or dressed very fancy...or worn alot of makeup. In short, she doesn't seem to be trying to impress anyone. And I guess that's why people think she's cool. But in real life when you act like that...no one thinks you're cool and sexy. Which is weird. The theory of this kind of behavior is cool and sexy...the real life version gets ignored or disliked. And in a strange kind of support of that...Kim Deal is single and I get the feeling, from what little I know of her personal life, she doesn't really date.

So...the thing is...when I get on stage and play Pixies songs in the role of Kim Deal...people seem to project their feelings about her onto me. Especially strangers. So they come up to me after the show and tell me how awesome I am and how much they love Kim Deal. And they are a little frantic about it. They seem star-struck. And while it's nice to be appreciated...I get the feeling that it's got nothing to do with me and my actual performance. They are living out some weird fantasy where I'm Kim Deal.

That alone is strange. But then last night I got to thinking. If I really WAS Kim Deal...and people acted like this towards me...that would be weird too. I mean, she's just this person playing the bass and singing. Not even doing anything complicated on the bass. Playing the same 88 songs she's been playing for the last 24 years. Wearing t-shirts and no makeup and smoking and drinking too much...and then not smoking and drinking at all. And here are these people who tell her she's cool and sexy and a great bass player...or god. How weird is that?

Now, a certain kind of person hears these kinds of things and starts to believe them. And that's how celebrities turn into real assholes. But if you're someone like me...you hear that kind of thing and you don't believe a word of it. Part of that is low self-esteem on my part and an inability to believe or accept any compliment that I get. But these kinds of compliments seem different than the run of the mill daily kind that ought to be accepted. These kind of compliments are irrational.

I'm certainly guilty of celebrity worship...or even worship of people in my own social circle. So I know how it feels to raise someone up in a way that's probably got little to do with them. But where does that behavior COME from? In my case, with people I know, I think I am looking for validation from people whose opinion I somehow value more than my own. And I got over the celebrity thing after puberty was over.

But what's up with adults who worship celebrities? And how is the celebrity supposed to process that kind of thing? It's a strange relationship. It's a strange feedback loop.

For me, I've got to figure out how to process drunk people coming up and telling me I'm fantastic after I've just played a set that I'd say was worse than average. I try to graciously accept the compliment and move on...but often people really want to drive the point home of how great you are beyond just saying so once. I guess all that you can do when someone gets weird is walk away, which is what I do after the 3rd or 4th time of someone telling me how great I am. But the encounters trouble me afterwards.

Hopefully Kim Deal gets good energy from all of that (I suspect concert goers are less drunk than bar show goers, so maybe the adolation is less obnoxious)...but is able to keep perspective.

I often wish there was a way to generate enthusiasm for practicing music and playing it at a performance level without actually giving a performance. For me it is about playing...not performing for an audience. But it seems like it is hard to kick yourself in the pants enough to do your best work unless someone's watching.

Setlist:
UMass
Debaser
Broken Face
Into the White
Monkey Gone to Heaven
Ed is Dead
Here Comes Your Man
River Euphrates
Isla de Encanta
Cactus
Wave of Mutilation
Gigantic
Nimrod's Son
Crackity Jones
Vamos
Where Is My Mind?